Wolf bites

Movie • WOLF • 1994
Jack Nicholson’s portrayal of a werewolf in Wolf is simply wonderful, but his performance barely saves this picture. In the end it turns out no better than a rainy day flick for when you don’t have any cookies to bake.
There is an attempt at a classic monster movie opening with the stylized film-work and soundtrack. It almost convinced me that the movie had promise, but it quickly turned into a slowly drawn out action romance. While the “bite” seems reasonable enough, the transformation is slow, albeit realistic. Where was the dramatic movie magic? Even in 1994 special effects were good enough to do a more convincing job.
The plot is a bit more involved than, say, an original Universal monster movie; but it doesn’t make the movie any more appealing. Michelle Pfeiffer was decent, but her strong presence makes it difficult to see her as a distressed damsel. This seems like a mistake, but instead it becomes an obvious hint of what’s to come. James Spader was what he always is… a jerk. I guess he’s typecast.
Forget the animatronics. Poor. The fight choreography was about as good as what you might see on a soap opera. This movie had great potential, but really ended up flopping like puppy ears.

Bonus coolness: Look for the cool skull behind David Hyde Pierce in his opening scene.

Santo vs. las mujeres vampiro

Movie • SAMSON vs. THE VAMPIRE WOMEN (aka: Santo vs. las mujeres vampiro) • 1961
Samson, or Santo as the fans cheer his name (the movie is dubbed in English, but the crowd still cheers in Spanish) is a masked wrestler in Mexico. I never heard of him before, but I learned he did a Frankenstein movie too. I’m going to have to look that one up. I found this one on the local college television station for CUNY (The City University of New York). Searching the internet, I found out Samson vs The Vampire Women is available on a DVD with a few other movies as a bargain DVD. That was a relief because when I heard the sound quality and saw the reel changes were so evident and choppy I was afraid they might have broadcast it from film. You never know how old college equipment is. At least the movie has been digitized if not restored. It’s an antique worth seeing.
The opening has us in a mausoleum for a group of vampire women and their wrestler bodyguards. They awaken after 200 years of slumber, and crikey, do they look like they still need rest. They went with pancake batter makeup for the dried mummy look. It was so creepy I should have watched it for breakfast. Unlike the old Universal films, they didn’t try to sex up the monsters… that is until they were able to get some blood and face cream. Suddenly, with poor transition, these hideous women with 200 year bed-head looked like Greek goddesses with fangs.
The vampire women need to collect their queen’s successor, a descendant from a past queen. They intend to let her rule the vampire women, but daddy won’t have it. If you ask me, she missed out on a great opportunity. The queen of the darned, my good friend LilyBat would have jumped at the chance.
If you are a fan of modern entertainment wrestling, there are several treats. I had no idea how much wrestling has not changed in the past 50 years! It’s basically the same. Tag team cheaters, fake punches, loud drops to the mat, and so on. I suppose the question of who Santo was must have been as mysterious as the Lone Ranger or Batman, so they had a scene where he was about to be unmasked. Oooooh, the drama! For whatever reason, though Santo fights for justice in public, he still fights in the ring for cheers and belts. Also, for whatever reason, one of the vampire bodyguards takes the place of Santo’s opponent, and fights him in the ring. Santo ends up turning the tables, and unmasking his foe who, again, for whatever reason looks like a werewolf when the mask comes off. I guess it was for dramatic effect but bullocks, they should have just made him look like a bat or something… oh, wait. Was that supposed to be a bat face?
All said, this was a fun picture to watch — right down to the vampire goons running with their arms spread and holding their capes like kiddies pretending to fly. I was a little miffed at the end with the way he did away with the vampires. All they wanted was their queen, and they were treated like vermin. I almost lost my eel pie. Well, butter sticks, it was still too much fun to miss!

Undying toffee

Movie • THE UNDYING MONSTER • 1942
They shouldn’t tell you this is a werewolf movie because it’s more of a mystery, and the werewolf is part of it. I DVR’ed this a while back and tried watching it a few times. Every time I fell asleep. Nothing like a good bedtime story. That’s what I get for watching it in the middle of the day.
I finally watched it in the middle of the night when I’m wide awake. Yippee, not as boring as I thought! It’s based on the novel of the same name by Jesse Douglas Kerruish. I bet it’s a pretty good read, and would make a scrumptious gift ;)
It’s all about the secrets in this movie so I’m going to recommend it to Betty Bones. She loves secrets. It’s funny how everyone is devious and mysterious until the end when it’s all solved. Then they couldn’t be more chummy… even though people died.
My hero in this was Ms. Cornelia Christopher or ‘Christi’ as they called her. She multi-tasked investigating monsters and making what looked like a delicious batch of cappuccino and toffee using equipment from the laboratory. She’s always famished, and she makes a good point when she says, “Lunch comes but once a day.” She grins when she hears clanking chains, and when she finds out there’s a crypt in the house. She’s my kind of gal. I shivered when she declared, “Monster? Now we’re getting somewhere.” Her enthusiasm for monsters and dessert won me over, but her taste in decor was brilliant too. She described Helga’s mansion as a “divinely gloomy old house.” Helga is the heir to the Hammond fortune, but that’s plot stuff I won’t bother you with.
Watch this movie with a plate of toffee and remember… When the stars are bright on a frosty night, beware the bane on a rocky lane.

Werewolf SMASH!

Movie • THE WEREWOLF • 1956
This one’s been eating a hole in my DVR for a long time, but now I wish I’d watched it earlier. I was a little leery because I never really loved Lon Chaney, Jr.’s The Wolfman from 1941. This werewolf, played by Steven Ritch is much more convincing. Not so much the make-up or effects. That was pretty standard, and not much of a leap for a decade and a half later. But his acting was superb. A bit melodramatic at times, but that appeared to be the director’s instruction.
It began with narration very much in they style of a detective story, with storyboarding leaving me wondering why not much else from the 50’s looks this good. The angles were brilliant and the shadows were delicious. All of it was artfully done, though, at one point I was reminded that these times were a bit different when a patient was smoking in the doctor’s office.
It was interesting to see that this werewolf in particular didn’t need a full moon to change. It was kind of random, but I’ll leave that plot device for you to discover. It seemed fear, anger and pain triggered his changes. Sounds a lot like The Hulk. I half expected to hear, “Mr. McGee, don’t make me fuzzy. You wouldn’t like me when I’m fuzzy,” but there was no one named Mr. McGee ;)
Werewolf SMASH!