Dear Ridley Scott, RE: Alien Prequel

If you've ever had a dream or desire to do something big — something you felt like you were meant to do, and you poured your heart and soul on the floor to get to it, you understand why I'm posting this.

Please spread the message, so this woman, Diana Newton can get the opportunity she's asking for. She wants to be cast in Ridley Scott's Alien prequel.



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Or go to Ridley Scott, Watch This.

War of the musicals

Movie • Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of THE WAR OF THE WORLDS • 1978
I try to remember to listen to Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of The War Of The Worlds at least once a year since I found the double CD at a stoop sale in the late 90s. It is SO cheesy delicious, and fun, I can't help myself. I have to sing, hum, and whistle along.

Here's the official The War of the Worlds Musical site.

It was a complete happy accident to find this CD, and now that I'm aware I'm going to keep my eyes out for the 30th Anniversary. This is a better cult classic than the Rocky Horror Picture Show in my opinion, but who am I except a cute little corpse who know no better.

We begin with a short narration to get you in the mood of what's about to happen. We've all heard the 1938 radio program, right? If not you must have seen one of the movies, so there's little risk of spoilage to tell you about the invaders from Mars. "♪ ♫ The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one ♪ ♫," he said.

My best description of this CD would be Emerson, Lake and Palmer meets Doctor Who.

The story doesn't change much, but there's a nice little surprise at the end. You'll be doing yourself a favor to pick this up, and listen.

Dare to dream of monsters

Movie • ROBOT MONSTER • 1953

Robot Monster is all the proof you need that 50’s drive-in cinema is the best monster movie period history has to offer. This was one of the movies listed in All Monsters Attack! Robot Monster should be categorized as one of the best worst monster movies of all time. Sure, there have been others that stink up the place like a public bathroom; but Robot Monster takes it to new levels complete with asinine costume design and cheesy monster villains that went to the David Prowse school of acting. David Prowse was the big galoot in the Darth Vader costume in the original Star Wars movies. Think “constant fist-shaking” and “superfluous hand-gesturing.” I would not be surprised if George Lucas gave footage of Robot Monster to David Prowse, and said, “Act like that!” Georgie sure loved his black & white movies ;)
Ro-Man IS Darth Vader!

Behold, the high-tech special effects of pre-Indutrial Light and Magic cinema.

Is it me, or am I seeing this woman laughing at her abductor (Ro-Man)?

Even in the original Star Wars (before the digitally enhanced Special Editions) we saw patching behind blue-screened space ships, but at least we never saw actual HANDS IN THE SHOT!

BONUS:
Dare to compare:
This screen capture of Ro-Man walking away with the embedded video (below) of the famous Patterson Bigfoot film with Bigfoot walking away. I LOLed!

I enjoyed every minute of the rabbit-ear adjusting alien overlord in this picture. (SPOILERS: HIGHLIGHT TO READ)… Even the last minute “it was all a dream-or-was-it? cop-out ending”was skillfully done. The repeated image of Ro-Man walking out of the cave could only have been more fun if it was in 3-D. But alas, even the DVD box states that it’s in 2-D.
This post-apocalypse alien invasion film has to be number one on my must-see-over-and-over list. Come for the raspberry sporting boy who isn’t scared of terrifying aliens who’ve already annihilated the world’s population. Stay for the innuendos that fly over like rampaging starlings between Roy and Alice.

For those who’ve seen it…
“You look like a pooped-out pinwheel!” ;)

Carpenter nailed it

Movie • THE THING • 1982
John Carpenter’s The Thing was based more on the original short story “Who Goes There” by John W. Campbell, Jr. than the 1951’s The Thing From Another World which was based on the same story. I recently read and reviewed the adaptation by Alan Dean Foster from the screenplay (click here). Though the details were significantly different, and I did like the book much more, the movie still stands up to the test of time. It’s not yet a cheesy 80’s horror/sci-fi movie, and probably never will be. The special effects are a bit much in their gross factor, and maybe we see too much too early, but they still look good.
Kurt Russell’s beautiful blue eyes called me to rewind several times. He was a dreamboat, wasn’t he? I wish he wasn’t wearing that bushy beard; but he had to keep his pretty face warm, I guess.

Extra bonus: All men in this movie.
Not so bonus: Only two are eye-candy.
Return to bonus: The two beautiful men are all that survive.
Not so bonus: They will either off each other or freeze to death, or both.

True to the screenplay we are left at the end with no doubt what the immediate future will bring. I was glad to remember (since I hadn’t seen this picture since the 80’s) that not all stories end with the US Army marching in to save the day.

Thing One and Thing Zero

Book • THE THING • Alan Dean Foster • 1982
This is one of those books that has sat on my shelf for years. I've read it a couple of times, but I always seem to forget The Thing the novelization by Alan Dean Foster is based on a screenplay by Bill Lancaster which was in turn based on the story “Who Goes There” by John W. Campbell, Jr. I feel half ashamed, like what I read was not really a book at all. A novelization of a screenplay could be thought of as a printed version of scenes that have already been imagined for you. That’s why I’m glad my corpse brain can only remember for a short time. And, as luck would have it, novelizations usually come from the first draft. Screenplays go through re-writes and films get edited. The Thing by Alan Dean Foster is significantly different from the movie The Thing by John Carpenter. Insight into the thoughts of the characters is only the obvious benefit from reading the novelization.
The Thing is a great adventure exploring the minds of men, and a lesson on the effects of pressure and paranoia. Monsters and aliens from space always give me the heebie-jeebies. After all, these are not local residents from Dread Falls or members of Jitterbutter. These are creepy critters who can survive for hundreds of thousands of years entombed in ice waiting for the day they can invade your body on a cellular level… then break out of your body like it was nothing more than a cocoon.
What I’d really love to see is a prequel that depicts what the Norwegian scientists went through to get to the point where they were chasing down the sled dog. Needless to say, the Americans could have no idea that the dog was harboring a terrible alien inside. There’s so much mystery to the Norwegians’ story even though we know their end. How about it. Is somebody doing a prequel to The Thing?

Frankenstein power activate! Form of astronaut!

Movie • FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACEMONSTER • 1965

What a relief! I’ve watched too many modern humdrum horrors lately. The silly billies who put this movie together should get an award. The Play-Doh make-up, poorly integrated stock NASA and military footage, and the ridiculous costumes come together like a yummy fruit tort. I devoured it in one big bite.
Okay, so Frankenstein isn’t the Franky we all know and love. His name’s been exploited since the success of Universal’s Frankenstein. This guy is more like a zombie-android astronaut built like a public relations Steve Austin who turns dumb after he blows a circuit. At one point when he becomes injured he reminded me of Jason Voorhees. And the monster he meets isn’t until the very end.
It all wraps up nicely, but the real present is the meat in the sandwich. These characters are hilarious! Sit down on a warm, sunny Saturday afternoon when no one likes to be outside; and enjoy Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster with friends. You’ll have tons to make fun of. My favorite character was Dr. Nadir, played by Lou Cuttel. He looks and sounds like Jon Lovitz. I kept expecting him to say, “It stinks!”
I need this soundtrack. If anyone knows where I can get my hands on it, please let me know in the comments.

Lou Cuttel as Dr. Nadir looks and sounds like Jon Lovitz.

Terrore Nello Spazio

Movie • PLANET OF THE VAMPIRES • 1965
I bought a soundtrack a long time ago from a movie called Terrore Nello Spazio. I’ll review that later, but you kind of get the hint when I tell you I looked for this movie after hearing the soundtrack.
When watching, please disregard (or enjoy) the silly technical phrases like, “Meteor Rejector.” Also take the time to w00t for the leather astro-outfits. You don’t get great costumes like this these days. Now, these aren’t your run-of-the-mill vampires. In fact they aren’t really much like vampires at all. They’re aliens looking for bodies to occupy, but the plot twists better than Twizzlers. This is a must-see for anyone who loves some of the sci-fi classics like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, The Day The Earth Stood Still and Forbidden Planet.
This cast, set, and creative team could have or should have worked together to do more. The story easily set up a sequel. I imagine with Hollywood’s inability to create anything new, someone will come along a remake this one. But, just like that delicious triple layered chocolate cake you remember from your 10th birthday no one will ever make another like it.

Astounding Tales of Broads and Monsters

Book • Comic • THE CLAWS COME OUT • Pat Lewis • 2007
Why is the monster always the enemy? It’s great to see girl power in a book about monsters, but just once I’d like to see the monster come out as the winner. Bad date = monster? I suppose by definition, a man who tears people to shreds because they hit on his date would be a monster; but why should he be a vampire? Pat Lewis, have all vampires treated you this poorly? Maybe you should get out more. There are plenty of fine, upstanding vampires in the world.
The host of the book is Lily St. Evil. She’s got a similar personality to another horror host I know. If you can’t guess by her first panel, you have no business reading this book. She pulls off all the silly puns I love, and she holds the book together the way fly paper can hold lots of marshmallows (I’ve gotten 42 stuck - how many can you get?).
My favorite story was Abominable. It reminded me of Creepshow somehow. Zombie Trouble showed the most promise for me. Ms. Abigail, the fortune teller was a brilliant character. I’d love to see more of her. The ending, however, reminded me too much of Zombie Honeymoon. Must be serendipity that I should read this book on the same day I saw Zombie Honeymoon.
The art was fantastic. I don’t know if he Pat Lewis has ever acknowledged this, but his style looks a lot like Bill Watterson’s (Calvin & Hobbes). I’m going back for seconds after my next cupcake.