Gwangi-gi Gwan-gi-gi, oh so soft and cuddle-lee

Movie • THE VALLEY OF GWANGI • 1969
Gwangi is my new crush. I don’t think I ever even heard of it before stumbling across it on Netflix. I’m happy as a cotton candy sweater that I found it. I knew right away when I heard the early 70s movie musical score sounding way ahead of its time as a 1969 movie ;)


Before I knew it, the score turned into the feel of a Disney adventure film. Not knowing what to expect, I thought, “Okay, here comes the cheese,” but it was the bleuest of cheeses. The kind that goes well at a cocktail party. The kind of cheese that makes you feel better about yourself.
I was wondering early on what was with the over-acting, but then realized these must all be stage actors, and maybe actors from a real traveling cowboy show. The stunts were painfully convincing from the very first face-plant.
We open with a mysterious scene that has Miguel coming out of the Valley of Gwangi with a canvas bag of horse. Yes, horse. A toy sized, three-toed, long thought extinct horse. This horse is used in the traveling show that teeters on stereotyping, and falls over the edge with no remorse.

Gwangi is not a fan of the rodeo.

The movie itself playfully pokes at prejudices and stereotyping with the way our hero, Tuck speaks to Lope; but Lope puts him in his place, and takes it like a man… a gingerbread man. He is soooo sweet. He must have been the love child of a secret manage-a-trois among Robert Redford, Paul Newman and Charlton Heston. His name is James Franciscus. It's a wonder I never noticed him before considering how well known he is in the genre.

Lope, played by Curtis Arden. He has to be in his fifties now.

James Franciscus, the love child of Robert Redford, Paul Newman and Charlton Heston plays Tuck.

I have my suspicions that Stephen Speilberg was a fan of The Valley of Gwangi. There are many scenes and styles that were seemingly borrowed when Jurassic Park was made. Compare the unseen creature opening in a crate in Jurassic Park to the unseen creature opening in a bag in Valley of Gwangi. Also compare the boy-guide in Valley of Gwangi to the boy-guide in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. A few more things reminded me, but I forget what they were. Borrowing is flattery though. I was reminded of King Kong in watching Gwangi carted off to the show.

The effects integration was outstanding.

Go out and get this. Buy it, rent it, steal it. Get your eyes and ears on this flick. It’s a classic that never got the credit of classic it truly deserves. It’s Clash of the Titans meets Wild, Wild West.

Bonuses to not miss:
The Disney street parade in the beginning will make you chuckle.
The costumes look like they were straight out of an Old Navy commercial.
Gwangi gets credit as an actor (this makes me feel better about his death scene).
Strange voice-over for actress, Gila Golan who played TJ, Tuck’s love interest. Was her voice that bad?

Sad:
An elephant gets mauled by Gwangi… but it’s a claymation elephant.

More incredible bunk

Is this a Levis ad or movie poster?

Movie • THE INCREDIBLE HULK • 2008
I’m not the type to get on line early for too many pictures these days, so forgive me for this Hulk review so many days after the opening. I was not very impressed with the Ang Lee endeavor, so I didn’t put too much hope into the new movie starring the big, cute and angry monster.
To put it simply, improvement does not make this a good movie. I mean it was mildly entertaining, but the standard has dropped so far, we all think mediocrity is excellence. There were still some very awkward moments during the transformations from Bruce Banner into the Hulk. They looked better when they showed only hints of the change, but they got cocky, and tried full on bright light changes. Hulk bubbles? I always thought he grew evenly. He bubbled like he had giant maggots under his skin.
I can suspend my beliefs as well as the next movie fan, but how come tank missiles barely stun him, but knocking his head on the ceiling of a cave make him reach painfully for his bruised noggin saying, “Oooh,” (as in “ouchy”)? Liv Tyler was poorly cast here. Sorry. She was no Betty Ross. She should stick with roles where she doesn’t have to speak too much. And, Liv! Lay off the lip injections. It looks like allergies.
I was actually bothered by the lame cameos, and how awkwardly they were placed. The sequel implications bothered me too. The movie was peppered with them. Isn’t that a bit presumptuous considering the previous fiasco?
Abomination was crazy cool looking, but didn’t look like the comic character. He looked more like the alien/Ripley hybrid from Alien: Resurrection, but all grown up and stacked from taking too much HGH.
I can’t even complain that The Incredible Hulk was a testosterone frenzy because there wasn’t really that much action. I always thought I’d love a CGI Hulk because he would be so cute, but there were more scenes where he looked wrong than right. He looked good in the rain, but even Jurassic Park did better in sunlight. I’m going to stick with the old Lou Ferrigno Hulk. My heart was raised in the seventies along with at least one of my eyes.