Carpenter nailed it

Movie • THE THING • 1982
John Carpenter’s The Thing was based more on the original short story “Who Goes There” by John W. Campbell, Jr. than the 1951’s The Thing From Another World which was based on the same story. I recently read and reviewed the adaptation by Alan Dean Foster from the screenplay (click here). Though the details were significantly different, and I did like the book much more, the movie still stands up to the test of time. It’s not yet a cheesy 80’s horror/sci-fi movie, and probably never will be. The special effects are a bit much in their gross factor, and maybe we see too much too early, but they still look good.
Kurt Russell’s beautiful blue eyes called me to rewind several times. He was a dreamboat, wasn’t he? I wish he wasn’t wearing that bushy beard; but he had to keep his pretty face warm, I guess.

Extra bonus: All men in this movie.
Not so bonus: Only two are eye-candy.
Return to bonus: The two beautiful men are all that survive.
Not so bonus: They will either off each other or freeze to death, or both.

True to the screenplay we are left at the end with no doubt what the immediate future will bring. I was glad to remember (since I hadn’t seen this picture since the 80’s) that not all stories end with the US Army marching in to save the day.

Thing One and Thing Zero

Book • THE THING • Alan Dean Foster • 1982
This is one of those books that has sat on my shelf for years. I've read it a couple of times, but I always seem to forget The Thing the novelization by Alan Dean Foster is based on a screenplay by Bill Lancaster which was in turn based on the story “Who Goes There” by John W. Campbell, Jr. I feel half ashamed, like what I read was not really a book at all. A novelization of a screenplay could be thought of as a printed version of scenes that have already been imagined for you. That’s why I’m glad my corpse brain can only remember for a short time. And, as luck would have it, novelizations usually come from the first draft. Screenplays go through re-writes and films get edited. The Thing by Alan Dean Foster is significantly different from the movie The Thing by John Carpenter. Insight into the thoughts of the characters is only the obvious benefit from reading the novelization.
The Thing is a great adventure exploring the minds of men, and a lesson on the effects of pressure and paranoia. Monsters and aliens from space always give me the heebie-jeebies. After all, these are not local residents from Dread Falls or members of Jitterbutter. These are creepy critters who can survive for hundreds of thousands of years entombed in ice waiting for the day they can invade your body on a cellular level… then break out of your body like it was nothing more than a cocoon.
What I’d really love to see is a prequel that depicts what the Norwegian scientists went through to get to the point where they were chasing down the sled dog. Needless to say, the Americans could have no idea that the dog was harboring a terrible alien inside. There’s so much mystery to the Norwegians’ story even though we know their end. How about it. Is somebody doing a prequel to The Thing?

The Vampire, Bill

Book • DEAD UNTIL DARK• Charlaine Harris • 2001
At first I wasn’t sure what to make of Sookie Stockhouse and the vampire fellow named Bill, but despite recommendations against reading this novel I think I’ve found a series of books to read. I didn’t realize it was a series when I first picked it up, so I’m glad the story is not over.
Dead Until Dark explores vampires and their lives in a way that is much closer to the real life they lead than any of the pretentious series that try to introduce new laws into their lore. Vampires, just like people come in many shapes, sizes, and personalities. Just like people, they are not all killers. Just like people they have to deal with their peers. Vampirism deals with generations gaps beyond human mortal comprehension, and Charlaine Harris seems to understand that. Vampires can have remorse, and they can be cold as a corpse.
Dead Until Dark is a love story and a mystery that just happens to involve vampires. The progression of the characters’ relationships is believable and compelling. I highly recommend this book as a stand-alone. Give it a try. I’ll be picking up the next in the series when I get to the store again. Maybe I’ll just order it online. Everyone seems to freak out when they see an adorable little reanimated quilted corpse walking through the book store.

Dead Until Dark is also approved as a good book by my good friend, LilyBat (who happens to be a vampire).

PS. There is a great surprise that will come up so unexpectedly toward the end, I am anticipating the Sookie Stockhouse series to bowl me over every time.

More incredible bunk

Is this a Levis ad or movie poster?

Movie • THE INCREDIBLE HULK • 2008
I’m not the type to get on line early for too many pictures these days, so forgive me for this Hulk review so many days after the opening. I was not very impressed with the Ang Lee endeavor, so I didn’t put too much hope into the new movie starring the big, cute and angry monster.
To put it simply, improvement does not make this a good movie. I mean it was mildly entertaining, but the standard has dropped so far, we all think mediocrity is excellence. There were still some very awkward moments during the transformations from Bruce Banner into the Hulk. They looked better when they showed only hints of the change, but they got cocky, and tried full on bright light changes. Hulk bubbles? I always thought he grew evenly. He bubbled like he had giant maggots under his skin.
I can suspend my beliefs as well as the next movie fan, but how come tank missiles barely stun him, but knocking his head on the ceiling of a cave make him reach painfully for his bruised noggin saying, “Oooh,” (as in “ouchy”)? Liv Tyler was poorly cast here. Sorry. She was no Betty Ross. She should stick with roles where she doesn’t have to speak too much. And, Liv! Lay off the lip injections. It looks like allergies.
I was actually bothered by the lame cameos, and how awkwardly they were placed. The sequel implications bothered me too. The movie was peppered with them. Isn’t that a bit presumptuous considering the previous fiasco?
Abomination was crazy cool looking, but didn’t look like the comic character. He looked more like the alien/Ripley hybrid from Alien: Resurrection, but all grown up and stacked from taking too much HGH.
I can’t even complain that The Incredible Hulk was a testosterone frenzy because there wasn’t really that much action. I always thought I’d love a CGI Hulk because he would be so cute, but there were more scenes where he looked wrong than right. He looked good in the rain, but even Jurassic Park did better in sunlight. I’m going to stick with the old Lou Ferrigno Hulk. My heart was raised in the seventies along with at least one of my eyes.

Wolfen stinkin’

Movie • WOLFEN • 1981
Based on the novel The Wolfen by Whitley Strieber. So, it wasn’t good enough for him to have a moving picture made from his book, he had to be abducted by aliens to sell more books? I’m not accusing. I’m just pointing out that it’s either an awful coincidence that a sci-fi/horror writer would face alien abduction, a horrifying experience; or Whitley Strieber had to be a genius in marketing. I bet it was an awful coincidence.
Well, on to the movie. Awful. Oops, there’s that word again. I’m okay with horror being done with wolves… sorry, wolfen; but seriously, it may have been better off werewolves (Please note the labels for this post include werewolves only for category purposes. Only wolves are in this picture). Sure, the werewolves in the city thing was done several times, but here was a chance to make them smart. Instead they are the leftover refugees from 300 years past when the North American native was driven back and wiped out… along with the wolfen. In case you haven’t picked it up, when I type one of these… I’m smirking, tilting my noggin, and thinking the words in a mocking tone.
So, the “wolfen” are protecting their hunting ground, which happens to be the South Bronx. They hunt our homeless, and diseased, and those who won’t be missed… because we all know they all live in the South Bronx. Give me a break. Talk about stereotypes. Want more stereotypes? Edward James Olmos, who looked deliciously fit you’d never recognize him played a native American Indian who danced around naked, acting like an animal after a night at the pub drinking with the tribal chiefs. Ridiculous.
There were a few corny moments that I admit I chuckled at. Eating chocolate chips in the morgue seemed distasteful, but it made my tummy grumble. There was a hot dog scene where one character was biting while the other was describing the dismemberment of, well… a member. Classy prop placement, mister director.
My advice. Stay away. You’ll be bored. You’re better off watching Ewok cartoons.