Punch knocked me out

The pic above looks like Betty Bones.

Movie • DOLLS • 1987

I admit I went into this with a notion that it would be really bad. Probably if I had seen it when it was first released I would have laughed all the way home. I didn’t have an appreciation for 80’s horror in the 80’s — or at least very little of it impressed me.
But like time healing wounds, years can make bad movies good. The thing is Dolls was actually pretty good… in a fun way. Not in an award winning way.
A horrible pop and a terrible step-mummie are driving through England on holiday, reluctantly toting the dad’s daughter along. If you don’t love the opening scene with the ferocious Teddy then you may as well watch something else. Teddy was adorable!
The family gets stuck in the mud and head for the conveniently located mansion for cover from the storm. A cheeky Madonna wannabe punk and her crony also intrude along with their hitcher-picker-upper. The gracious ancient couple who live in the mansion have ulterior motives, of course — as do the faux punks. They’re sticking around to nick a wallet, and swipe some anti-cues. That’s antiques for the rest of us.
It takes a while for a good scene to show up after Teddy, but I squealed every time the dolls did their thing. This picture was a wonderful surprise, so don’t be afraid of the dark — be afraid of what’s in the dark. At night toys come to life, but you have nothing to fear if you are a child at heart. Toys are loyal, and that’s a fact.

PS. Now I get it! The little tot’s name was Judy, and the old man gave her a doll named Punch. Punch & Judy!

Thrilling cheese of terror too!

Movie • TRILOGY OF TERROR II • 1996
A woman appears in three different horror tales that play more like Twilight Zone or Creepshow episodes. Maybe even Tales From the Crypt

1 The Graveyard Rats
In the first, the cheesy Lifetime style character interaction can make you want to turn it off, but it's worth seeing through to the end. You’d think the “monster” is the crotchety old man since he is a real meanie, but instead it's large, creepy rats with cute red eyes. I won’t tell you how it comes to that point, but you'll love to see the demise of the last character alive in this one. Death scenes can be really yummy sometimes.

2 Bobby
The music struck me in this one. Very 70s television terror sounding. I knew when the mommy was demanding “Return my son who drowned by accident!” in a personally prepared, but professional looking ritual that he was not going to be Howie Mandel’s Bobby. What contrived writing. I love it! The acting in this episode is even more over the top than the first one, but somehow Bobby manages to seem creeptacular and scary. The ending isn’t so twisted, because you suspect something’s up all along; but you won't expect what flavor of cheese it is.

3 He Who Kills
Based on the Zuni Doll from the short story “Prey” by Richard Matheson (possibly best known for “I am Legend” which was adapted to Last Man on Earth starring Vincent Price).
What begins like an episode of Miami Vice finishes like a retelling of Puppet Master. The Zuni doll houses the spirit of a warrior from an extinct tribe of African cannibals. His spirit might be full of vinegar, but this doll is the most handsome creature I've seen in a long time. He may have sounded like Animal from the Muppets, but he had the murderous energy of a Tiki with a blender for a heart.