Wednesday, January 14, 2009

2 Hours of Blah-chock-guck

Movie • 30 DAYS OF NIGHT • 2007
I should begin by saying I only just found out this picture was based on a graphic novel. It was probably much better presented in that medium, so I’m going to hunt that down, and read that.
I’ll continue by adding that a monster friend of mine told me he saw a version of 30 Days of Night that used subtitles when the vampires spoke. I can imagine that if I knew what these vampires were saying then they would have seemed even less scary. Okay, they were scary, but there were so many flaws in 30 Days of Night, I found myself throwing caramel popcorn at my screen. What a waste of caramel popcorn.
The premise is good. In Barrow Alaska they experience 30 days of night because of the Earth’s axis in their winter. So gypsy vampires come in to fish from a barrel. Two flaws already…
Flaw #1: The sun doesn’t set in this situation as if the last day was full and bright. It’s gradual. And the first sunrise after 30 days doesn’t give you full daylight. I know this because Frankenstein’s monster spent some time in Barrow, and he told me all about it when I was a little corpse.
Flaw #2: These are intelligent vampires. They act savage, but they are intelligent. Ask LilyBat. Their savagery is based on hunger. So, if they take the time to wait until the 30 days of night begins, why would they slaughter everyone they can get their claws on willy-nilly in the first night? That’s wasting food. They should have hunted slowly, so they could savor their cupboard of prey. Maybe having no daytime to sleep drives them batty.
At one point the surviving hiders find a little girl vampire that no one knows. It’s a town of something like 500. They know everyone. It’s safe to say then, this little girl came with the clan. So, why when all the other vampires speak Gluck-chuck-tock-chick does she look up from her midnight snack speaking perfect English to them? “I’m done playing with this one. You want to play with me now?” It was for shock effect, and it failed. Flaw #3.
Flaw #4: 30 days, and no one had to shave?
Flaw #5: At some point the beautiful Megan Franich gets scorched by standing too close to a sunlamp without SPF 50. Yet the rest of the vampires can stand mere inches from a blazing oil fire that engulfs the town without getting so much as a freckle.
Flaw #6: The head of continuity was asleep on the job. At least one vampire who was dispatched of in a way that there is no return shows up in a later confrontation. That’s just plain carelessness.
Now, this is not neccessarily a flaw, but just plain unbelievable. Take care. It’s a spoiler. Highlight to read:
Josh Hartnett does something to fight off the vampires in the end in order to make a diversion so his sweety can escape. he injects himself with vampire blood so he can be strong enough to throw down with the head vampire. Duh. So his strength matches the alpha vampire’s in a few short minutes, but none of the other vampires choose to take him on once he does him in? What is this, Lost Boys lore?
I don’t care to be negative any more. Even with these flaws, I still liked seeing it. I’m reviewing 30 Days of Night as if it was more than a horror movie only because it should have been.
Some things I liked:
The make-up was top-notch.
There was great atmosphere. The distant screams at intervals in the backgound really set the mood.
I caught the Wilhelm Scream at about the 39 minute mark. That was the highlight of the movie for me.

Megan Franich and her sexy blood goatee.

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