Monday, May 12, 2008

Witch way to the exit?

Movie • THE COVENANT • 2006
I must apologize for the string of bad movies I’ve reviewed recently. I blame the programming on cable these days. I’m going to have to hit my DVD collection if I really want to tell you about great movies. Contemporary horror is lackluster, and uninspired. Not enough camp goes unintentionally into monsters these days.
Okay, so this one was eye candy at least. The effects were superb, but it was again, just a visual thing. No great story here; and the only thing to have fun with was the Real World cast of beauties and hams.
The Covenant started of with promising music during the opening credits. Rob Zombie always gets my interest. And here is where you find the good spider coming out of the body scene. Much better than the one mentioned in my Urban Legends: Bloody Mary review. The constant moody weather was contrived, and predictable. How do these kids get so tan when the weather is always so bad?
The families of Ipswich formed a covenant years ago, and kept a silent pact to hide their magic abilities. The “Sons of Ipswich” are not witches, they are practically Jedi Knights in their abilities. It’s way over the top. Very The Lost Boys. Hey, by the way — can we come up with a better word that “darkling” for the baddies?
If you can’t stand a second of this picture, just sit through the Thelma & Louise - Chitty Chitty Bang-Bang scene so you have something you can really complain about.

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