Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Bloody dozy, bloody dozy, bloody dozy

Movie • DEAD MARY • 2007
Watching this movie made me feel like muckitypoo. It was bloody bad. Time for nappy-naps. The twisted tension between the characters never makes sense despite their ability to spell out the characters within the first twenty minutes. You get everyone’s story, and it’s all so borey. I think the movie was supposed to be a metaphor for the depressing monotony of life.
Just like a cliché horror slasher Blair Witch flavored teen angst crumb bucket, this picture uses all the ingredients popular with producers. Apparently the old urban legend of Bloody Mary is too dull, so these camping characters assert that Bloody Mary is the “lame version” of Dead Mary. So, say “Dead Mary” three times in a mirror when you are alone, and you’ll be bored to death.
The only saving grace I found — and I’m not even certain it’s not just a seed for a trash sequel — was the character of Ted. He’s mentioned several times, but never shows up. I’m hoping they were meaning to draw a connection to Waiting for Godot, and leaving the characters to dwell in dismal uncertainty. Nah, they couldn’t be so clever. Skip this one; and if there’s a sequel, just throw it back at the mirror and hope for seven years of bad luck. You’ll have a better time of it.

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